This is me, standing before the camera lens of someone I trust yet feeling shyer and less prepared than I thought I would be.
As an adult I've generally held to the mantra that all bodies are perfect in the flesh, people can relax so much more when social restrictions and self-doubt in the form of clothing is removed. I often potter around my home naked and love the female form – ever more so now that I'm in my 25 th year and are so much more at peace with the world … so my instant wave of self-consciousness as I stand here catches me unawares.
So you see me here, fighting the urge to sit down and curl up into myself.
Typically for me, I begin by standing defiant with hands on hips but niggling doubt gets to me. You've put on weight since you last did this. When was the last time you exercised? Your skin is too pale hair too frizzy; you're eight kilograms above what you should be and, my god, when did your breasts start to move south? Not to mention the accident that you had with the trainee beautician last week … giving me what looked like a huge bite missing from my map of Tassie. So, instead you see me here with face turned away from the camera and arms raised. But before you begin to feel concerned about the shy girl in front on you, know that on my face where the camera can't see is a sly little smile. I'm more bemused by my own reaction than anything else, so please don't worry.
David's told me about some amazing people that have stood before him with true stories of triumph; they are here on the walls around me. My story is a little different. So far it is a lucky happy one, filled with an amazingly close and supportive family, and strong friends and partners but also with the death of a most amazing man, my uncle John in 1992 after a horrid (is there any other kind?) battle with cancer … but that really isn't my tale to tell right now.
So this is me, with nothing much more scary than scrapes and the Kate-style pickles that I am very adept at getting myself into. I'm the girl who accidentally gets her hair bleached orange instead of simply washed in Hanoi, the girl who eats a handful of grease off her Grandparent's screen door hinge after convincing herself that it is actually chocolate cake mix, the girl who almost kills a revered family pet whilst the guest of a local family in Cambodia (in a story that involves a squat toilet and far too much toilet paper), the girl who, as a toddler, puts on her Superman cape and from the ledge of a 3 rd floor window calmly tells her mother that she is going to fly down to say hello to God for a bit, the girl who has 28 (yes, 28) pairs of underwear and 1 pink sock PLUS pegs stolen from her clothes line, the girl who accidentally kicks out the power for studio during her very first on-air broadcast, the girl who doesn't think twice of prising her younger brother's jaws open in order to eat the last of the sweets, the girl who sets fire to the company tea room in her first few weeks on the job, the girl who has more than one scar from attempting to show off, and finally, the girl who has wet her pants from laughter more than once.
I'm also the girl who has danced a million nights away, who lives through music, who is unashamedly proud to be Australian…yep, this is me! |